The 2011 Ironhead Cup Draft: Results and Analysis

Posted by The Bobocracy - May 15, 2012 | Link

This afternoon over lunch, Good Times Johnny (captain of the Vermilion Team) and Nerd (captain of the Mesabi Team) drafted their 2011 rosters for the Ironhead Cup.  It was moved up from July 21st to take advantage of a deal from Golfsmith that required the teams to be known.  Here’s the draft results and professional analysis by The Bobocracy:

First Round

1.  (1 Overall) – Scholarship
After being chosen by a bartender to have the first pick in the 2011 Draft, Good Times Johnny shocked everyone and took Scholarship with the first overall pick.  The pick was jeered by many in the audience as many other lower handicap golfers were available.  "I wanted to take the guy who has the time and is most likely to improve in the coming month." explained Good Times Johnny, referring to Scholarship's unemployment.  He continued, "Fly Fishing?  F*ck that.  His ass better be at the driving range."

2.  (2 Overall) - The Bobocracy
One of the top prospects in this year's draft, Nerd went with the player bringing by far the most local knowledge of the Iron Range golf courses.  A very long hitter with a good enough short game should offer scoring opportunities for the Mesabi Team.  There are some lingering concerns with The Bobocracy's game however.  His play tends to be incredibly streaky, going from brilliant to horrific from day-to-day.  A high-reward pick could become high-risk, especially if he plays with a hangover.

Second Round

1.  (3 Overall) - Master Baiter Jason
Good Times Johnny opened the second round with a brilliant pick, taking Master Baiter Jason.  Jason's consistency and attitude will be welcomed to the Vermilion Team.  His ability to go beer-for-beer with Good Times Johnny should be a strong addition to the team's chemistry.  A lack of golf over the summer by paying way too much attention to his pregnant wife may mean a rusty golf game for Master Baiter Jason.

2.  (4 Overall) - Nondescript Doug
A low handicapper that nobody but Scottish Rob knows, Nerd went with an "on-paper" pick, taking a single-digit handicap in the second round.  Descriptions of Doug have ranged from "kind of an average laid-back guy" to "nothing really of note."  Time will tell if Nerd's blind pick will match the paper qualifications, or if the Mesabi Team just acquired their own JaMarcus Russell.

Third Round

1.  (5 Overall) - The Phony Peroni
Another contraversial pick by Good Times Johnny started the third round with the selection of The Phony Peroni.  Known to break down mentally on the golf course, The Phony Peroni will have a lot to prove for the Vermilion Team.  All is not bad though, as The Phony Peroni has shown tremendous improvement recently and could be defined as this draft's sleeper pick.

2.  (6 Overall) - Kahnke Kong
Nerd and the Mesabi Team could not look past Kahnke Kong's claims of being an "average 300 yard driver" in the third round.  Unmentioned by Khanke Kong was the consistency of and direction in which the 300 yards would be, and the number of shots required to cover such a distance.  Not an accurate golfer, Kahnke Kong's game could play well to the best ball match play scoring in the Ironhead Cup with a few low scores scattered throughout the round.  The other thing Kahnke Kong is sure to bring is really bad beer.

Fourth Round

1.  (7 Overall) - Cinnamon!
Almost universally analyzed as possibly the worst pick in the draft, Good Times Johnny went with another team chemistry pick with a pretty horrible golf game.  Cinnamon is a short hitter and a poor putter.  While many better picks were on the board and available, Good Times Johnny revealed an interesting strategy.  Cinnamon's terrible slice will be a massive advantage on all the dogleg-right holes.  Of the 54 different holes on the 3 Ironhead Cup courses, 3 holes play to the right.

2.  (8 Overall) - Undrafted Jeff
Undrafted no longer, Nerd and the Mesabi Team took Undrafted Jeff with the 8th overall pick.  A lack of play in 2011 may hurt Undrafted Jeff in the Ironhead Cup, however he has recently attempted to "buy a game" by equipping himself with a new driver and hybrid (utility club, not car.)  Hyper-competitiveness and an anything-to-win attitude could offer strong locker room presence.

Fifth Round

1.  (9 Overall) - Sporadic Jack
During the 2011 Ironhead Cup Draft, Sporadic Jack, who was projected as a high first-round pick, was taken by Good Times Johnny and the Vermilion Team with the 1st pick in the 5th round, the 9th overall pick after the teams, even those in need of a veteran low-handicap golfer, were concerned with Sporadic Jack's well-documented course management problems. Before the draft Sporadic Jack was quoted as saying teams that pass on him "will regret it once they see what kind of a player I am and what kind of guy I really am."

2.  (10 Overall) - Macho Rod
Macho Rod, who can hit a driver 280 yards and a sand wedge 250, is an interesting fifth round pick.  Macho Rod's putter is the make-or-break portion of his game and it remains to be seen which putter (literally, he has several) Macho Rod brings to the 2011 Ironhead Cup.  Macho Rod has also battled injury problems in past years, and there is some concern that he is playing on the same team as The Bobocracy,  who's fat ass caused said injuries.

Sixth Round

1.  (11 Overall) - Sir Mix-A-Lot
Proving its not what you know but who you know, Sir Mix-A-Lot was picked by his own neighbor, Good Times Johnny, with the 11th overall pick.  Sir Mix-A-Lot brings with him a decent golf game that is well-complimented by the beverage cart.  Critics point to Sir Mix-A-Lot's tendency to "mix-a-lot" the night before as a potential downside to his game.

2.  (12 Overall) - The Nordique
Another relative unknown, The Nordique slid down the board despite a decent handicap due to relative obscurity, just like most other French Canadians.  Speculation abounds about a second potential cause for staying on the board until later rounds due to The Nordique's inability to correctly say "Chowder" while in Boston.  A pre-draft email from The Nordique boasted of his game by saying "I want to thank the other team in advance for letting me win, because you've seen [due to the 2011 Stanley Cup Finals] what happens when Canadians lose."

Seventh Round

1.  (13 Overall) - Scottish Rob
Scottish Rob and his uncanny resemblence to both the Gordon's Fisherman and an Old Spice commercial started the seventh round with a pick by Good Times Johnny.  The lateness of the pick is most likely a result of recent complains about a sore hip, a lack of dedication to the golf (as opposed to sailing), and a golf game where no raw talent stands out.  Scottish Rob's strongest asset is that he actually is Scottish, and they did invent the game.  "How else are you supposed to keep yourself entertained while herding sheep?" asked Scottish Rob.  No analysts wanted to provide a strongly-obvious answer.

(14 Overall) - Critical Steve
A fractured shin bone lands Critical Steve as the last pick in the seventh round.  While he assured both captains that doctors have paced his recovery well ahead of the Ironhead Cup, it was only Nerd who was willing to bet on it.  Critical Steve is an infrequent golfer and has a rusty game that may not score well for the Measbi Team.  His uncanny ability to over-react to mundane things might create problems within the team.

Eighth Round

1.  (15 Overall) - The Swiss Miss-ter
Good Times Johnny again focused on team chemistry by taking his non-golfer pick earlier in the draft.  The Swiss Miss-ter is a native of the Iron Range and with a general dislike of people, promises an interesting persective for the other members of the Vermilion Team.  While analysts question taking a non-golfer while some were still on the board, Good Times Johnny has brushed away the criticism almost as fast as The Swiss Miss-ter brushes away chances with women.

2.  (16 Overall) - The Wizard
Clearly a pressure pick after Good Times Johnny took the Swiss Miss-ter with the first pick in the 8th round, Nerd selected The Wizard, the other non-golfer in this year's draft.  The Wizard's spell casting abilities involving alcohol have the potential to wreak havoc on the Mesabi Team.  Despite the concern, Nerd has repeatedly voiced his confidence in the Wizard.

Ninth Round

1.  (17 Overall) - Citizen Dique
Only recently taking up golf dropped Citizen Dique to the final round of the 2011 Ironhead Cup Draft.  Citizen Dique does bring with him the ability to drink cheap beer with ease, a common trait amongst the draft targets for Good Times Johnny and the Vermilion Team.  When asked about how he plans to contribute to the team, Citizen Dique answered with "I'm a self-contained unit."

2.  (18 Overall) - 
With only one left on the draft board and the last pick in the draft, Nerd drafted a player-to-be-named-later.  it isn't yet known what this unknown player may or may not bring to the team, but it is certain that it will be uncertain.  "Party" was the simple response offered by Nerd.

Overall Handicaps:
Mesabi Team (Nerd):  21.75
Vermilion Team (Good Times Johnny):  21.0

Saying IPAs are gross is like saying cars suck after driving a Pinto.

Good Times Johnny - Responding to Cinnamon's description of highly-hopped beers.

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Copyright © 2019 The Weekend of Man