2018 (Twelfe)

The Wekend of Man Twelfe, as spelt and pronounced in the Queen's Olde English, was a year of recovery from the redacted events of Eleven the year prior.  A cohort of Alumni in Good Standing again made their way to Northern Minnesota, where connections were re-made, the high seas of small Minnesota lakes produced a bounty of fish, and golf was allegedly played.

Twelfe started as many years do however, with unanticipated obstacles which appeared before The Weekend of Man even began.  While the Super Game Fisher was safely under tow behind the loaned truck of Kent 45 the Six Shitter during the initial rendezvous miles of The Weekend of Man, it was discovered that the trailer lights were inoperable.  Repairs began swiftly while parked at a gas pump at the Holiday gas station directly next to Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport.  Undrafted Jeff's supervision was of no assistance, and the repairs were completed by The Bobocracy in roughly one half-hour's time.

After the reunion of Sam Adequate to the entourage, several Men began their pilgrimage northward, piloting the nose of the Six Shitter's truck towards US Highway 61.  The only stop prior to their objective was to Mills Fleet Farm, where a bounty of equipment for fishing and the safe operation of watercraft was procured.  For those seeking similar items, please note that car and deep cycle marine batteries are sold directly across the aisle from horse saddles.

On the return trip from The Weekend of Man the prior year <details redacted>, Men were forced onto a considerable detour due to extensive road construction on the interstate.  While unable to stop and enjoy what this alternate route offered, it was decided that the following year, Men would Retour the Detour.  This adventurous routing took Men to many a small town and many a watering hole, discovering fine establishments such as:
  • The Grumpy Minnow - A large lake-side bar and grill that featured toilets made from beer kegs.
  • Squirrel Cage Bar - With every order of Miller High Life, each patron received a fly swatter.
  • Corral Bar - During happy hour, you are only entitled to happy hour prices if you assist the staff in moving billard tables.
  • El Toro - If you select a shirt for purchase of which the bartender is unapproving, your purchase will not be allowed.

After visiting these wonderful places, and a statue that touts itself as the world's largest walleye, the group of Pioneering Men connected at Giants Ridge.  Macho Rod took the helm from these weary followers of a highway much regalled by Bob Dylan (Mr. Robert Zimmerman to those in the know) and guided them majestically towards the Lodge Bar.  For this action he was commended, and in an act of reciprocal kindness, his drinks were paid for by others.

From there, the Pioneering Men, eight in total, upheld traditions set upon them, and after an agreeable meal returned to their lodging and celebrated with the Smoking of the Pipes.  The Bobocracy was awarded the year's Talbot pipe, bestowed to only one Man each year by Sporadic Jack.  This event lasted quite late into the first evening, a harbinger of things to come.

The next morning broke early, cold, and cloudy.  After 12 years, this had become a familiar set of conditions for the Pioneering Men to navigate.  An unwritten endeavor was set in motion, and a small subset of these Pioneers went to the local gas station, where upon they ate Subway breakfast sandwiches with the local city council and rotary club.  The Weekend of Man is one of the few global organizations that can effectively pilot gas station food hangovers into lobbying that influences public policy.

Macho Rod made his way back to the Home of Man to explore a series of technological innovations that would pay dividends in years future.  Sam Adequate, Undrafted Jeff, and The Bobocracy towed the Super Game Fisher to a new and unexplored lake, in search of the local delicacy of Walleyed Perch.  With immense amounts of optimism, they spent several hours in vain, boating one 8 inch walleye, one clam, and one stick.  Defeated, they returned to rendezvous with Sporadic Jack, Macho Rod, Cinnamon!, Kahnke Kong, and others...To drink "cheap" Midwest beer.  The recollection of the events to follow are ambiguous, at best.

The next day broke overcast, and the rest of the Twelfe Alumni arrived in good spirits for a round on The Quarry at Giants Ridge.  With no Ironhead Cup in play this year, the round was one of relaxation mixed with profanity, a synonym for the great and appalling nature of various golf shots played.  The evening events at the Quarry clubhouse were low-key, a necessary brake to the splendidness the Friday, Saturday, and Sunday of a weekend yet untold.

Friday morning, long before sunrise, a fleet of Men set forth to Fortune Bay, taking The Standard Route, now renamed the Farnsworth Route, after Six Percent's 2018 diatribe on places and things while enroute via dirt roads.  Once the sun did rise, it broke to a crisp summer morning, where the dew-draped greens were met with an elderly beverage cart attendant who knew everyone's name:  "Hun" and "Sugar".  Her attitude sold much coffee, Diet Coke, and other accutrument to Men longing for sunny days and dispositions.

Through the majesty of splendid scheduling, the meeting of early morning golfers and those choosing an afternoon round were made over outdoor patio lunch tables, with stories of rounds played and rounds future shared.

That evening saw Men forgo the traditions of the past and order copious amounts of meat-laden pizza.  These rations lasted another two days, and have since become part of the Weekend of Man lore.  Meal planning now centers around this purveyour of fine pie.

Later that evening, two events foretold a different conclusion to The Weekend of Man.  The first was the somewhat spontaneous disappearance of Sam Adequate, who returned to the affluent western suburbs of Minneapolis at the behest of his recent bride.  Objection, commentary, and other analysis of this and similar future events involving Sam Adequate will be remembered and simultaneously stricken from the record permanently.  That same evening, The Bobocracy suffered an allergic reaction to a bee sting and/or spider bite to his left arm that resulted in a significant amount of swelling and an equally significant amount of anti-histamines.  The result of these two unplanned turn-of-events cause the consumption of malted beverages to drop precipitously.  For shame, since Nerd arrived earlier that day with a literal trunk-full of local micro-brewed beer.

Saturday saw a fine round of golf on The Legend, the "gentle giant" of the courses that Men did battle.  Upon completion of the round, Men enjoyed a lunch and comraderie at the Lodge Bar, again relying on Macho Rod to direct the decision-making, including the direction towards a new, more socially acceptable logo.

After the round, a subset of Men gave up on new fishing adventures and instead decided they would rely on the bounty produced by the famed "Honey Hole".  This redirection was not in vane, and produced a bounty of fish that resulted in an aquatic "appertif", to accompany the copious amounts of left-over meat-forward pizza.  Stories will be told, but only those present shared in the smells.

Sunday saw Men congregate and later diseminate from the Quarry, sharing one last round on one of the world's most spectacular golf courses before heading their separate ways home.  Several Men made a purposeful stop in Cloquet, Minnesota, to enjoy one last meal together.  Burgers and a near-fight with a Boy Scout troop became the "group closer" of the weekend.  In a nod to the ties that bind the Alumni in Good Standing of The Weekend of Man to each other, all excess beer was returned to Founding Member Good Times Johnny, who graciously lent the Super Game Fisher to the Class of 2018.  He enjoyed them all except for a Grain Belt Blueberry, which resulted in follow-on series of profane texts.

Twelfe was a reboot year, guiding The Weekend of Man back onto the metaphorical tracks.  It was a resounding success, in more ways than a recount of past events could possibly convey.

You look like an Old Spice commercial!

Good Times Johnny - Commentary on the appearance of Scottish Rob in his boat.

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Copyright © 2019 The Weekend of Man

Copyright © 2019 The Weekend of Man