2013 Ironhead Cup Draft Kit

 

 

Each player has been thoroughly analyzed including a break down of their strengths and weaknesses.  The list below is sorted by stated handicap and for those Men that competed in the 2012 Ironhead Cup and return again this year, their actual handicap from last year's event is included.

 

Amphetamine Dave (Hdcp:  2.8)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
Target Corp's best hope for The Tour. Biggest Pro: Lowest handicap - Strong golf skills. Biggest Con: Dave thinks handicap is a measure of the number of mint juleps consumed during a round.	Lives in outer-ring suburbs which means he most likely runs a meth lab in his basement. Biggest Pro: The only 2013 alumni from Target that is capable of using words. Biggest Con: Bullseye corporate culture is heavy on herd mentality and he will probably regress.

Hambone! (Hdcp:  7.2, 2012 Cup:  14.5)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
Flairs of greatness surround him. Biggest Pro: Had a strong 2012 campaign and is looking for more glory in 2013. Biggest Con: social anxiety experienced outside of "safe haven" villa may increase the golf score.	Came out of his shell in 2012 and even left the villa. Biggest Pro: The Twins are so dreadful this year he's expected to socialize again. Biggest Con: Stats are deceiving:  Only player in 2012 to go 0-3, despite his team winning.

Crystal Meth Tweaker Doug (Hdcp:  9.6, 2012 Cup:  11.7)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
The Ace of 2012. Biggest Pro: Great all around golf player. Biggest Con: Still hasn't seen The Hangover.	And then were gonna find our best friend Doug, and then were gonna give him a best friend hug.  Doug Doug Oh Doug Doug Dougie Doug Doug! Biggest Pro: Concedes his own putts.     Biggest Con: Lake Superior Black IPA could destroy his ability to golf on Saturday.

The Bobocracy (Hdcp:  10.2, 2012 Cup:  12.8)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
Using the teachings of Stewart Smalley in 2013.  http://snltranscripts.jt.org/91/91asmalley.phtml. Biggest Pro: Can flat out produce some awesome golf shots. Biggest Con: "Refuse to Lose" motto has proven ineffective.	Practically a Weekend of Man Demi-god. Biggest Pro: Rattled off four birdies in a five hole stretch last year. Biggest Con: Bookended the birdie streak with an eight and a nine.

Sporadic Jack (Hdcp:  10.6, 2012 Cup:  17.6) CAPTAIN, Champ McNairs

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
Has seen it all...We are talking about movies - right? Biggest Pro: Huge ball striker. Biggest Con: High reliance on Ritalin.	His golf game could match up well aga...Traffic wasn't bad at all on the drive up, was it? Biggest Pro: Will strategize more than any other captain in the history of the Ironhead Cup. Biggest Con: 11:00 am tee times means darkness will have an impact on the last few holes of his round.

Bruce-in-Law (Hdcp:  13.8, 2012 Cup:  20.1)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
Proving that bankers are people too. Biggest Pro: Nice golf  swagger. Biggest Con: Bull market may affect golf game.	New home construction undoubtedly means an increase in beer consumption. Biggest Pro: New custom-fit golf clubs have dramatically improved ball striking. Biggest Con: He had the clubs last year too.

Sam Adequate (Hdcp:  14.0)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
Last name has me thinking we have a "made for TV" Movie being filmed during the weekend. Biggest Pro: Pretty impressive handicap number hanging around his collar. Biggest Con: Not 100% sold on his battle worthiness on MN golf courses.	Despite surname, he's from Edina so he's a douche by default. Biggest Pro: Leads the 2013 Rookie Class in enthusiasm and Brotocol knowledge. Biggest Con: He's a consultant which means his contributions will be few and very expensive.

Master Baiter Jason (Hdcp:  15.3, 2012 Cup:  16.2)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
Does things in eight second intervals - either riding a bull or crashing a boat. Biggest Pro: Smooth golf swing. Biggest Con: Terrible blues singer.	On the losing team in 2012 yet still suave enough he drank beer from the Ironhead Cup. Biggest Pro: Inate understanding of the long-play and/or repetitive joke. Biggest Con: High likelihood he crashes the cart into something directly off the first tee.

Kahnke Kong (Hdcp:  17.2, 2012 Cup:  24.5)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
Golf game mirrors Timberwolves seasons. Biggest Pro: Solid start. Biggest Con: Fades to unwatchable by the end.	Recently beat out for the T-Wolves GM position by Flip Saunders because his name was too close to the prior GM. Biggest Pro: Birdied the 18th hole during the last match of 2012, sealing the win. Biggest Con: Still has not taken responsibility for The Great Summer Shandy Disaster of MMX.

Kent 45 The Six Shitter (Hdcp:  17.5, 2012 Cup:  31.5)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
Really found his way around the golf course last year. Biggest Pro: Most likely to catch Walleyes in the drainage ditch. Biggest Con: Golf is not a game of emotion.	Weekend of Man Rennaisance Man - Fillets fish, finds golf balls, cooks. Biggest Pro: He should start the 2013 Ironhead Cup with all his clubs. Should. Biggest Con: Will undoubtedly be more focused on some issue with his boat over golf.

The Phony Peroni (Hdcp:  19.2)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
Ask him about Russian Hookers and golf trips. Biggest Pro: 95% Fairway accuracy. Biggest Con: Never stated how far those 95% fairway drives actually go.	For one weekend he's going to stop reading about life and start living it. Biggest Pro: Once he realizes there's nothing at stake, plays out of his mind. Biggest Con: He requires you to bring your own tarp.

Macho Rod (Hdcp:  22.0, 2012 Cup:  22.8)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
Broke the course record for most alcohol stored in his golf bag. Biggest Pro: Can smash the long ball. Biggest Con: 5% fairway hitter - if you count the fringe.	Game is sensitive to the Inebriation Bell Curve, renamed years ago to the Myran Bell Curve. Biggest Pro: Played lights-out on the front nine during the final match last year. Biggest Con: Sobered up on the back nine.

Bitchfield (Hdcp:  22.0)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
Not sure why "Mean Gene the Home Wrecking Machine" never caught on. Biggest Pro: Will turn a few heads with some strong golf shots. Biggest Con: May be afraid to show the banker up.	Returns after several years of absences - May have difficulty adapting to the increased awesomeness of this year. Biggest Pro: Only alumni to never complain about the beer. Biggest Con: Fishing is terrible when Gene is in the boat.

128 Fluid Ounces (Hdcp:  22.0)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
Angry ever since Dos Equis stole "the most interesting man in world" commercials from him. Biggest Pro: High discipline = amazing golf scores. Biggest Con: Can have his game derailed when Brandy Alexanders are not served by the beverage girls.	Striking resemblance to Larry Hagman circa mid-1980s Dallas. Biggest Pro: Lets his golf clubs do the talking. Biggest Con: Possibly a mute.

E. Pliddy (Hdcp:  22.0)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
Still upset about the poor record sales of "Last Train to Paris". Biggest Pro: Found golf after unsuccessful run as a rapper. Biggest Con: "Mama said knock you out" not appropriate to yell during tee off.	Making his way from New York City, may find the remoteness of Giants Ridge a little too "Deliverance" for his liking. Biggest Pro: Tipping the scales at 130 lbs soaking wet, will go uncontested in his weight class. Biggest Con: Inability to regularly update Facebook may frustrate him.

Silent Lucidity (Hdcp:  23.0, 2012 Cup:  25.4)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
Looking to make some noise in 2013. Biggest Pro: Improvement in the short game will really be impactful. Biggest Con: No improvement in short game will not be impactful.	One of the first sign-ups for 2013 after a memorable 2012. Biggest Pro: Steady-Eddie on the course with predictable results. Biggest Con: Constant, un-ending commentary about his lack of distance and his qualifications to play the forward tees.

Scottish Rob (Hdcp:  24.0, 2012 Cup:  25.5) CAPTAIN, Omer Princes

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
Assuming a leadership role may affect golf psyche. Biggest Pro: Never too high or too low. Biggest Con: Too bad rugby skills don't translate well to golf.	Absolute mastery of subtle gamesmanship makes him one of the strongest captains ever. Biggest Pro: "The Emperor" will wreak havoc on the other team. Biggest Con: His golf game will providing nothing to his own team while he daydreams about sailing.

Undrafted Jeff (Hdcp:  25.0, 2012 Cup: 25.6)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
Master of the three putt. Biggest Pro: Has watched Caddyshack at least 150 times. Biggest Con: Folds up like a folding chair at any sign of pressure.	The only thing louder than his shoes is his mouth. Biggest Pro: Same as last year:  Mentally exhausting to the other team. Biggest Con: Same as last year:  Mentally exhausting to his own team.

Cinnamon! (Hdcp:  25.0, 2012 Cup:  25.9)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
Proving once again pacifists can play golf. Biggest Pro: Plays the same with any club at any time. Biggest Con: Strong fear of Giants Ridge hostesses.	Complaints about objects of which Man has no control (i.e. the sun, gravity, etc.) will be frequent. Biggest Pro: Likely will respond better to a non-leadership role. Biggest Con: Left-to-right ball flight.  Total left-to-right holes out of 54:  three.

"Mark" (Hdcp:  26.9, 2012 Cup:  35.9)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
Second time is a charm. Biggest Pro: Returning to avenge 2012. Biggest Con: May play the same way as 2012.	Machismo was punished on difficult golf courses in 2012. Biggest Pro: Resident Weekend of Man ear/nose/throat doctor. Biggest Con: Weekend of Man could really better utilize an orthopedic specialist.

Ingalls of his Dingalls (Hdcp:  31.7)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
Once jumped Minnehaha Creek in a golf cart. Biggest Pro: Uses his pure athleticism to find balls in the rough. Biggest Con: Pending shoulder surgery may effect long game.	Another Dave?  Jesus.  How many F'ing Daves can we have? Biggest Pro: Twins Fandom may endear him to Lake City crowd. Biggest Con: Past as a wrestler might make him much too comfortable with starting intra-team tickle fights.

Long Duk Dong (Hdcp:  35.0)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
Known as "The Beast from the East" - Not sure what that even means. Biggest Pro: Has some golfers in his immediate family. Biggest Con: May confuse golf cart for a luxurious crossover vehicle.	May be the closest to an unfrozen caveman we have as he will have to re-adjust to American cultural customs in one weekend. Biggest Pro: As a Tokyo resident, will provide scared-big-citier-in-the-wilderness company to E. Pliddy. Biggest Con: Cares about golf even less than he plays it.

Double Guns (Hdcp:  36.5)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
New guy wildcard. Biggest Pro: Unknown skill level bring excitement to the draft . Biggest Con: Claims a 36.5 handicap.	Cinnamon! and Scottish Rob are joined by a third person that when in the sun resembles a fork in a microwave. Biggest Pro: Creativity and quick thinking makes for a possible Wizard-in-Training. Biggest Con: You do know who The Wizard is, don't you?

The Phantom Menace (Hdcp:  Unknown)

Undrafted Jeff	The Bobocracy
[Whooshing sounds] Biggest Pro: [Whooshing sounds] Biggest Con: [Whooshing sounds]	Not paying got the 24th Man kicked out, and now the captains get to draft an empty chair. Biggest Pro: Lots of risk picking an unknown could mean high reward. Biggest Con: The empty chair bit didn't work too well for Clint Eastwood.