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2012 Ironhead Cup Draft Kit
Posted by - Thu May 17 13:24:46 UTC 2012 | Link
UPDATE: In order to accommodate the enjoyment of malted beverages without the worry of returning to a place of employment, Citizen Dique and Cinnamon!, captains of this year's Ironhead Cup, have rescheduled The Draft to 3:00 pm. Same day, same location.
The Weekend of Man is proud to announce that the date of the 2012 Ironhead Cup draft will be at Noon on Friday, May 25th, 2012 at The Bulldog Lowertown in St. Paul, MN.
To prepare Citizen Dique and and Cinnamon!, the 2012 Ironhead Cup captains, Undrafted Jeff and The Bobocracy have put together a Draft Kit to assist them in picking their teams.
The qualities of each player available in this year's draft have been thoroughly analyzed based on their past performance and future projections. The list below is sorted by the lowest to highest handicap.
Dr. Chuck and Mr. Solheid (Hdcp: 5.0)
Undrafted Jeff | The Bobocracy |
| Solid 5 pointer - all phases of the game are great. Smell can be distracting. Biggest Pro: Great putting. Biggest Con: Rancid gas. | By far the strongest player in this year's field. Biggest Pro: Model of golfing consistency. Biggest Con: What the hell is he thinking about when he stands over the ball? |
Hambone! (Hdcp: 7.2)
Undrafted Jeff | The Bobocracy |
| Like a wolf on the course?.Lone Wolf McQuade. Biggest Pro: Surprising golf moxie. Biggest Con: People scare him. | Isolation during 2010 (MMX) leaves many wondering what golf game he will bring to the course. Biggest Pro: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xnfbh2_snl-hambone_shortfilms Biggest Con: May lock himself inside a villa with his neighbors again. |
Crystal Meth Tweaker Doug (Hdcp: 9.0)
Undrafted Jeff | The Bobocracy |
| Excellent golfer. Terrible gangster. Biggest Pro: Great shots in the clutch. Biggest Con: Doesn't know his own theme song. | Kept Mesabi team in it during 2011 Cup. Mental hiccup on the final day. Biggest Pro: Consistent, low-handicapper. Biggest Con: 2011 mental state a fluke or could another collapse be on the horizon? |
The Bobocracy (Hdcp: 10.4)
Undrafted Jeff | The Bobocracy |
| Has The Bishop (Caddyshack) qualities. Could conceivably break the course record, but ends up pseudo swearing and getting hit by lightning. Biggest Pro: The long ball. Biggest Con: Wrath of God. | Most likely the longest hitter in this year's field; Flashy but inconsistent game works well in match play. Biggest Pro: He is as likely to make birdies as anybody. Biggest Con: He doesn't play well drunk. |
Kjoe (The K is Silent) (Hdcp: 10.4)
Undrafted Jeff | The Bobocracy |
| New guy - scouts like his demographic profile. Biggest Pro: Lives on a golf course. Biggest Con: Big Grey Poupon guy. | His rookie/unknown status could land him near the bottom of the draft pool despite his handicap. Biggest Pro: Lives on a golf course so he must be able to play golf. Biggest Con: He's a total unknown. |
Sporadic Jack (Hdcp: 10.6)
Undrafted Jeff | The Bobocracy |
| Dali Lama of the group. However slow play kills the fun factor. Biggest Pro: Huge hitter. Long. Flowing. Biggest Con: Over-thinking club selection while discussing in length the finer points of film making. | While not hiting the ball as far as he used to, he still can make the putts, and that's what counts. Biggest Pro: Can compete with anybody if he brings his A game. Biggest Con: Might go missing looking for lost ball. |
Master Baiter Jason (Hdcp: 14.4)
Undrafted Jeff | The Bobocracy |
| Can be a great golfer with the right caddie. Biggest Pro: Risk taker. Biggest Con: Risk taker. | His game is better than his handicap suggests. Biggest Pro: Team chemistry and sandbagging. Biggest Con: A recent move and two young children: Can he focus? |
Kahnke Kong (Hdcp: 16.2)
Undrafted Jeff | The Bobocracy |
| Golf game summarized by a Katy Perry song - Hot and Cold. Biggest Pro: Can get very hot. Biggest Con: Can get very cold?Hence the song. | After a few bright flashes to open the 2011 Ironhead Cup, he got down on himself and failed to contribute. Biggest Pro: Has the potential to scrap out a few holes. Biggest Con: Terrible taste in beer. Summer Shandy? Really? |
Bruce-in-Law (Hdcp: 16.7)
Undrafted Jeff | The Bobocracy |
| Golf is a big part of his "job." Biggest Pro: Stays within his game. Biggest Con: God complex. | A possible sleeper pick for this year, he is capable of playing anywhere from the high 70s to high 90s. Biggest Pro: You know what you are going to get with his game. Biggest Con: Shorter hitter; with match play and long par 4s, the other team has opportunities against him. |
Kent 45 The Six Shitter (Hdcp: 17.5)
Undrafted Jeff | The Bobocracy |
| Strong silent type of golfer?not sure what that even means. Biggest Pro: Strings shots together with the best of them. Biggest Con: Tends to dangerously mix over the counter drugs that wind up hindering his performance. | Guaranteed to play hung over. Tweaks excessively after taking 12,000% of his daily B vitamins and a five hour energy. Temper. Biggest Pro: Good for one or two surprise shots a round that could mentally break the other team. Biggest Con: He is known to break clubs on the course. The most is two in a round. On the same hole. |
The Phony Peroni (Hdcp: 18.0)
Undrafted Jeff | The Bobocracy |
| Greatness when playing against Undrafted Jeff. Biggest Pro: Hitting the fairway at 95% clip. Biggest Con: Not always playing Undrafted Jeff. | Who would have thought that a middle-of-the-draft player would ice the 2011 Ironhead Cup for the Vermilion Team? Biggest Pro: He can stay calm and help you solve a "105 pound problem." Biggest Con: Can he actually replicate last year's defining performance again this year? |
Macho Rod (Hdcp: 20.7)
Undrafted Jeff | The Bobocracy |
| Has accomplished phenomenal things on the golf course? A few even related to golf. Biggest Pro: Fastest club speed on the tour. Biggest Con: Hulk-like rage. | Another of the long hitters, particularly with a sand wedge. It remains to be seen if he can stay on top of the Golf/Booze Bell Curve. Biggest Pro: Big drives in the fairway could set him up for good holes. Biggest Con: Too much (or too little) booze and the wheels will come off. |
Cinnamon! (Hdcp: 23.4) CAPTAIN, BLUE TEAM
Undrafted Jeff | The Bobocracy |
| Makes a memorable impression on the golf course?. Usually from one of his body parts. Biggest Pro: First guy there if a fight breaks out - so he can get a great seat. Biggest Con: Profound fear of beverage cart girl. | May not be able to handle the pressure of captaining a team. Lacks killer instinct. Biggest Pro: He's a confirmed natural red-head. Biggest Con: Nobody plays better with clubs that have bent shafts. His shafts are as straight as they could be. |
Scottish Rob (Hdcp: 24.0)
Undrafted Jeff | The Bobocracy |
| You think his lineage would produce a better golfer. Biggest Pro: Even temperament - steady play. Biggest Con: Ancestry hangs around neck like a anchor. | Partners well with other golfers and was a surprise force in winning it last year for the Vermilion team. Biggest Pro: Can shock many with surprisingly good holes. Biggest Con: He doesn't really want to compete; Gentle giant attitude. |
Undrafted Jeff (Hdcp: 25.0)
Undrafted Jeff | The Bobocracy |
| Brief spots of greatness followed by long durations of terrible golf. Biggest Pro: Stylish shoe/bag combo. Biggest Con: Whenever you really need a shot - he is not there for you. | After a lot of pre-tourney trash talk, his game fell apart during the last round of 2011. Can he re-find his mojo? Biggest Pro: Mentally exhausting to the other team. Biggest Con: Mentally exhausting to his own team. |
Good Times Johnny (Hdcp: 25.2)
Undrafted Jeff | The Bobocracy |
| Amazing how well he golfs with one hand (the other is used for holding a beverage of choice). Biggest Pro: Whenever you really need a shot - he buys a beer for you. Biggest Con: Too many bathroom breaks. | Last year's winning captain, his influence/strategy on team chemistry in the draft cannot be overlooked. Biggest Pro: Game seems impervious to alcohol. Biggest Con: He may not make it to the course if he can't find his keys. |
"Mark" (Hdcp: 25.2)
Undrafted Jeff | The Bobocracy |
| New guy - scouting report - MM will always miss 100% of the shots he doesn't take, and, statistically speaking, 99% of the shots he does. Biggest Pro: Confident attitude. Biggest Con: Bought clubs at Kmarts sporting goods section. | The only other rookie in the field, he boasts of being able to beat anybody, but he is most likely not talking about golf. Biggest Pro: Unknown game brings draft sleeper potential. Biggest Con: Strong attitude could backfire. |
Nerd (Hdcp: 27.0)
Undrafted Jeff | The Bobocracy |
| Professional level photography skills does not translate well to the golf course. Biggest Pro: Calm on the course. Biggest Con: Calmness. | Last year's losing captain, his game has improved every year for the past several. We'll see how far he has come. Biggest Pro: Improving. Biggest Con: He still sucks. |
Citizen Dique (Hdcp: 34.2) CAPTAIN, GREEN TEAM
Undrafted Jeff | The Bobocracy |
| Enjoying his second tour at WOFM and already posturing for a management position. Biggest Pro: Will cover every square inch of the course. Biggest Con: Rich was overheard saying - "I'm not what I would call a strong swinger" | Took up golf last year and finds himself thrust into the Captain's chair. Leadership skills will be tested. Biggest Pro: Can't get mad about not playing to his potential when he doesn't have any potential. Biggest Con: All those lost golf balls get expensive. |
The Swiss Miss-ter (Hdcp: Hates People)
Undrafted Jeff | The Bobocracy |
| War Games-like mentality: The only winning move is not to play. Biggest Pro: Impossible for his score to hurt the team. Biggest Con: Other Men may return to a smelly cabin if all he does is sit around drinking beer and farting all day. | He doesn't play golf, yet was taken ahead of others last year and cheered his team to victory. Departed early for work, which could sour his potential this year. Biggest Pro: Can go beer-for-beer with any other team member. Biggest Con: Could douche out and disappear to go work again. |
One time I blew a tranny, during rush hour.
Cinnamon! - Leaving us all to draw our own conclusions.
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